I have only spoken in a physical church once. Most of my Ministry has been one on one or over the Computer. I suppose that I am the most unorthodox Archbishop you will ever meet. I don’t wear “Clerics” except where it is necessary, because I believe in order to follow in the footsteps of Jesus; you have to do it simply. Jesus didn’t go about in fancy garments as the Scribes and Pharisees did. NO! He wore his simple everyday clothing as he taught the Word of his father.

It wasn’t his clothing that made him believable; it was his sincere and honest teaching of His father. His looks and clothing didn’t matter. Today far too many people judge a person by what they see outwardly rather than looking to see who the real person is behind that outward appearance.

That is one of the reasons you see me as I am. No false fronts, no put-ons. If you can’t look beyond the book cover and discover the real book inside; then I pity you for being so narrow minded and having a closed and set mind.

Jesus Has a great deal of Love and Mercy for a;;. You are probably sitting there reading this and wndering how could I know this? Right? Well I do and I have known it since I was 2 years of age. Impossible you say? No one can remember themselves at that age? That is perhaps true in many cases; but not so in my case. Here is my story:

I will only give you brief excerpts of it because to give you everything would take hours and quite frankly I do not know anyone who could sit that long!

In the beginning a child could never imagine the horror and terror That would lay ahead in their life for them; such as it was with me. Due to circumstances beyond my birth mother's control, she was forced to let me be adopted by her third male cousin and his wife. Little did she realize that giving my sister, Linda and I to them would instantly plunge us both into a sixteen year nightmare and totally destroy my sister before she was 6 years old. My adopted mother was a small timid woman who was as afraid of her husband as my sister and I were. He was a by-the-book former military man and we were to later find out he was a closet bi-sexual man whose sexual habits had no bounds. From the time my sister and I came to live with them we lived in total terror. We would huddle in our bedroom closet or cringe in our beds in total fear. He would come into our room each night to molest us and at the time we didn't know it as that; all we knew was that it terrified us and we didn't like it. We would cry for hours afterward until we finally fell asleep. That wasn't the limit to his abuse. For my sister, it was short lived but forever an emotional scar that, to this day, has affected her and caused severe emotional and behavioral problems.

After my sister left my life became a living hell. From the time my sister left until I graduated from high school I would suffer child abuse of all kinds. The sexual abuse became more frequent and the mental and physical abuse more devastating as time went on. For me the will to survive and the eventual determination not to let another child suffer what I was without doing something to help them became the driving force to survive the ordeal. There were times when I had not please him and he would grab my hair and throw me around the house like a rag doll or he would lock me in the cellar or a closet when my mother wasn't around. As if that wasn't enough he would drag me down to the basement, after he had sent my mother and "adopted" sister, Virginia, out on some needless errand. There he would tie my hands to a water/sewage pipe in the farthest corner of the basement and rip off my clothes and proceed to horsewhip me 'til I would bleed. Then he would walk away and leave me hanging there until he saw my mother coming up the street and free me. I would be ordered to take a bath and clean up and say nothing about what had occurred or he would kill them and me as well.

You can't begin to imagine the pain I had to hide from the wounds. The only way I could stop the bleeding was to pour salt into the wounds and find rags to tie around myself to cover them and protect my clothes from the blood that was still seeping out. One time when my mother wanted pictures of my sister and I; she took and had my aunt give us curly perms in our long flowing hair. My sister was a brunette and I was a sandy blonde. Shortly after the pictures were taken my father got angry at my sister and I for refusing to complying with his sexual wishes which in the end he forced us to do. He also chose to be sadistic when brushing or combing our hair. In this anger he took a razor and pair of scissors and shaved us both bald. We both had measles at the time and my mother was outside visiting with my grandmother. When my mother came in and saw what he had done she had a physical heart attack and ended up in the hospital for two weeks. This left the door of my father's abuse open wide at night after the baby sitters left.

I remember when my mother came home from the hospital. My paternal grandparents were due in from Florida for a visit in a few days and my mother was confined to bed. He wanted the house cleaned up and my mother who was nothing but 98 lbs of timidity and fear couldn't do it. As she lay in her bed he proceeded to beat her up. I hear it and ran In and told him to stop it. He wanted his breakfast as well and in my anger I told him I would make it for him if he left my mother alone and he stormed off. I returned to my mother and went into the dresser drawer that was beside my mother's bed and grabbed a cloth to wipe and clean her bloodied face. She was in tears. For a seven year old to see their mother cry was heartbreaking. I tried to comfort her and I got her some tea and tried to vacuum the house for her, so father wouldn't beat up on her again. Time and time again I would watch her sit in her rocker with Whiskers, our cat, and stare out the window looking for my father to return. When we moved to the house he inherited from a great aunt, she would stand in the big bay window in front of the house and watch for him and cry.

I recall one occasion when I had just turned four and my tonsils had swollen from a strep infection. As I lay in a crib in my mother's room during the day I would watch her sitting in her rocking chair. It had been about mid-morning and I suddenly couldn't breathe. I screamed for mother and she came running. I had started to turn blue and she immediately called Dr. Latino and he came by within a matter of a few minutes. I must have slipped into unconsciousness because when I woke up in the hospital my throat hurt really bad. They had removed my tonsils and there I lay in a hospital crib that was wet from stem to stern with urine from the previous patient. There I would stay for 2 days before they even changed the linen. By the time I was five I had developed severe bed wetting problems. To further humiliate me my father placed me in a crib and invited what was to be my second grade teacher, Miss Gillespie, over. He brought her to where I was and told her I was a no good little girl who didn't know how to use the bathroom. He went on to say that as far as he was concerned I would not go to school in regular underwear but in diapers. I started to cry and he slapped my face and told me that I had better shut up. I was later to get my revenge for this episode and another one that occurred later on.

As spring had set in he set about taking the storm windows off and was working on the second floor windows above my bedroom where I was. He was using a tall ladder on a sloping hill and it apparently started to slip out from under him. He called to me to get mother but I pretended not to hear him until I felt like going to get her. I only did so when the ladder fell and he was there hanging onto the window ledge after the storm window came crashing to the ground. Boy was he mad ! To me, at the time, it was worth the spanking I later got.

The holidays were almost non-existent for me. Every time Christmas or Easter or thanksgiving rolled around I was left out. My adopted sister, Virginia, would get every thing for Christmas and I would be made to watch, while I was being told that I wasn't good enough and Santa Claus was never going to come for me at Christmas. I hated the holidays ! I have always felt like I was on the outside looking in on a world that I had no right to and didn't belong in. When the holidays came I would hide in my closet and cry for hours. I would wonder what I had done so bad that I couldn't share in the joys of the holidays or get a Christmas present under the tree for me. My father would drag me out and make me sit there through it all. It was even more hurtful and painful when we had company over and he would proceed to criticize and humiliate me in front of them all. I wasn't a bad girl. I was just a little girl and little girls like any other child do things that are wrong. I deserved to be punished for them. What I didn't deserve was the constant blame I got for my adopted sister's antics or the abuse that was being reaped upon me.

My fathers sexual abuse became more hurtful as time went by. He would cover my mouth so I couldn't scream in the night and force me to perform oral sex and other perverse sex acts that left me totally repulsed. No matter how tight I would wrap the blankets around me he would pull them off and undress me and play "touchy, feely " with my body. I would cringe every time his hands touched me and when he go into the actual sex act I would scream under the cover of his hand. Each time he sexually abuse me I would bleed until I became a teenager. When I started to bleed without the abuse in progress, I got scared. I was so scared, in fact that I used to hid my underwear that was covered with blood under the cushion on the overstuffed chair I had in my room. Little did I realize that form of bleeding was normal. He always made me put a thick newspaper under my body so the bed sheets wouldn't get stained with my blood. I felt so ashamed and degraded. Because of this I grew more into myself as the abuse had progressed.

He would drag me back to the cellar and tie me to a circular post in the front portion of the cellar by the washer. He knew I was terrified of the rats we had and couldn't get rid of them. He would say to me, "this is your punishment for whatever and let the rats have You ! " When he wasn't doing that he would force me to go on a "rat hunt" and kill them. For example, I would have to boil water and find a stick with a nail in it and pour the boiling water over the rat(s). In the garbage pail or in the cellar to shock them then take the board with the nail and drive the nail through them to "finish 'em off" as he put it. I would then have to take them to the sewer outside our New England home and get rid of them. The nightmares I got from this was only compounded by the nightmares I was already having from everything else.

Sometimes he would be in the mood where he would force himself on me and if he still wasn't satisfied he would drag me down to the cellar and tie me to the pool table with my hands and legs tied to each corner of the table separately. There while my mother was upstairs thinking he and I were cleaning the cellar he would have sex with me in any form he so chose. No once did my mother come down to check on him or I. If he was partially satisfied he would do one of two things. He would either take me back to the cellar and tie my hands to the water/sewage pipe and strip me of my clothes and beat me with the horsewhip or forsythia stick until he was exhausted or I was bleeding enough. He would stuff my mouth with whatever was available to keep me from screaming while he whipped me. The other thing he would do and he could only do this when the house was empty except for him and I; was to grab my by my hair and toss me about the house like a rag doll all the while kicking and punching me where it couldn't be seen. This would go on while I was begging and pleading with him to stop. If he was totally satisfied he would only threaten me with my life if I ever told. As I grew up the abuse would get to be an almost constant daily thing. He hated it when my mother was around and he was in one of his "moods". He couldn't do anything and I can only guess that this frustrated him to no end. Needless to say he would always make up for it when he could.

Before I had grown up and could leave home I had totally detached myself from the world except for my love of books. I would go to the Library and take out 10-15 books a week and read them. I would create a world that wasn't so hurtful and full of terror and horror. I used to imagine a knight in shining armor would come to my rescue. Little did I realize at the time that my knight in shining armor would come in the form of and unseen entity known as God. I was always crying or shaking in fear. The physical and emotional pain that I was feeling was getting buried deeper and deeper into my very soul. I would act out my feelings in the form of anger, temper tantrums, spiteful words and stealing. It was the only thing I could think of to do besides cry and shake in total fear. I know it was wrong but I didn't know what else to do. What is a child to do when there is nothing left and no place to go? I did the only things I knew how to do.

When I retreated into my world of fantasy it was like I had found a safe haven for myself. I got to where I would do this every time my Father came near me. Sometimes my fantasies were of loving parents in the form of a king and queen or of some handsome knight that would hold me after he had killed my father and rescued me. I grew up not having or knowing what parental love was. It was this lack of love that would cause many problems later on in my marriages...simply because of the desperate need for love. Love from anyone and anywhere.

One winter’s day, I met my first real angel. I wouldn’t realize it until much later. I was twelve “going on thirteen, at the time and not yet a Christian. One that God would call less than a year later after I was lead t the Lord by a Pastor’s daughter. Anyway here is what happened. On top of everything else I had to clean a twenty-seven room house, do the gardening, the meals (occasionally) and the shoveling of snow before and after school (when it was needed). I would have to get up at 3 am to clear the snow before my father had to be at work for 8 am. Sometimes the snow was so wet abefore I had mentally noted that the town's streets were deathly quiet. Not a person or motorized vehicle was to be seen or heard. When I had looked to see what direction that he came from there were no footprints except the ones he was standing in! That made it all the stranger. Where we lived we could see all four corners of town and nd heavy that I would have to get up earlier, as it would take me longer. It had snowed a blizzard and school had been cancelled. I finished the housework at approximately 1:30 and looked out at the snow that was still falling. I had shoveled it earlier but it looked like I never touched it. I knew I had to get it done before both my parents returned at five p.m. or suffer the consequences. I had no coat to keep me warm anymore so I dressed in a sweater and went outside. Just great ! I thought to myself. I step outside and it starts to rain. Just what I needed! The property around the house that had to be cleaned of snow was equal to one square block. I sighed a heavy sigh and started to work. After a while I had to stop and catch my wind. The rain had made the snow heavier and I knew it was going to take longer than I had wanted it to.

Try hand shoveling five feet of snow that was very wet and very heavy. With each shovel full it seemed to get heavier. I finally returned to my work and had picked up my first shovel full when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Startled I turned around and saw the handsomest man I had ever seen. What I didn't understand was where had he come from? Only moments before I had mentally noted that the town's streets were deathly quiet. Not a person or motorized vehicle was to be seen or heard. When I had looked to see what direction that he came from there were no footprints except the ones he was standing in! That made it all the stranger. Where we lived we could see all four corners of town and it was almost eerie that day. I was so awestruck by this man that I couldn't speak. He was the first to speak and asked me what I was doing outside in a sweater shoveling snow.

I told him that I had to do it because my parents were due home and if I didn't get it done before they got home I would be severely beaten. I was too afraid and didn't want that. Then he took his own coat off and wrapped it around me. When I looked up at his face to thank him and to tell him that he would freeze without his coat, I saw him really for the first time. He was dressed in denim pants and red flannel shirt and cowboy boots. His jacket that I wore was denim as well. He had curly brown hair and was about six-two in stature. His face - his face was a face that was filled with pure love. His eyes were so blue and it was as if he could see to your very soul. His smile was the smile that could melt even the coldest of hearts and I trembled. Sensing my being awestruck with him, he said that I had better get inside before I froze to death. I again told him I had to finish the shoveling and I couldn't. I tried to hand his jacket back to him but he refused it saying that he would do the shoveling for me and to go inside. Again I protested telling him that the neighbors would talk and tell on me and there was no way I could pay him for his work. He replied, "not to worry, the neighbors won't talk and you don't have to pay me." I told him that I would only agree to go inside if he would promise to come in and have something warm to drink and eat, as it was the very least I could do. He then asked what my parents would say if they found the food missing. I told him that I would say I ate it and take the consequences for it. I told him to take his jacket back so he wouldn't freeze, but he refused saying God would provide all the warmth he needed. This statement I didn't understand. Finally I relented with the condition that he come inside for something warm to eat and drink. He promised he would and I went inside.

I changed into dry clothes and returned to the kitchen where I put his jacket in the back of a chair and in front of the open oven door to dry it for him. I found some chicken noodle soup and peanut butter, bread and jelly to make for him. I put the soup on the stove and some milk in a pan to warm up for hot chocolate. After making the sandwich for him, I went to the front of the house to see if I could see how much was done. I couldn't see him. Great ! I thought...another practical joker. Now I will have to go back outside and pushed even harder to finish the job and I had only an hour to do so. I should have realized that he wouldn't have left without his jacket. But I had no trust in anyone at this point in my life. I, unhappily, returned to the kitchen to put the food away when I heard a knock on the back door. I opened the door and there he was. My unhappiness turned to relief as I let him in. He wanted me to see that it was all done and I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing. In a matter of 30 minutes he had done it all except for the first 3 feet that I had done. "how did you do that?" I asked, "there is no way one person could do it that fast and finish it." He said that he had the help from God. Again I couldn't understand this. How would a God that breathed "fire and damnation" over us do that? As he sat and ate, I again thanked him for his help. Our conversation lead back to God and he began to tell me about this God of love, not the God of Fire and damnation. It was time for him to leave because my parents were coming home and he didn't want me to get into trouble. As I handed him his jacket he said to me " I will be here for as long as I am needed." I didn't know what he meant by that. Sensing I didn't, he simply said, "I will be here for you when you need me. Just think about me and I will be here." he told me his name, but for the life of me I can't remember it. Little did I realize that it was the beginning of a special relationship that would last until I was to enter high school that next fall.

The next time I would see him was in the springtime. He would always come around and walk me home from school through the park directly across from my house. This was the beginning of my learning about what and who God really was; although I would never fully comprehend it until many roads were traveled and mistakes made. It seemed during that winter, almost every time I had to shovel the snow it would already be done or it would rain and there wouldn't be a need to shovel. When I did have to shovel it usually was the end result of snow that had been mixed with lots of rain causing slush. When I saw him again in the springtime and he would escort me home. We had these talks about God's great love for his people. This was a total shock to me. I asked him how this was possible since he seemed to be a God of constant "fire and damnation". He explained that God was only "fire and damnation" to his people when they didn't obey him and listen to what he had to say and teach. I then asked him why God was punishing me so much. Was I so bad and so evil that he didn't love me or I was evil? He turned and looked at me with his soft, gentle eyes and said " dear child, God isn't punishing you; he loves you." I said to him that if God loved me so much then how come he doesn't stop what is happening to me. He said that God gave people free will and he can't interfere in the decisions that are made unless he is invited in. He will always be there for me because he loves me. This didn't make any sense to me. So he told me something that I might understand. He told me that I had lived in heaven and I chose to come here to spread God's word and that I had asked to experience all the things that would keep people from God's family. I still couldn't understand it all but when he spoke, at least for the moment, I felt a peace in my childish soul.

The spring and summer came and went as our walks and talks continued. By fall I was getting ready to start high school. One day on our usual walks I asked him about his family and he pulled out a faded picture of his wife and baby. I asked him where they were and he said they were in Nova Scotia. I asked him if he missed them and he replied," yes ". When I asked him if he was going home to them soon, he got a sad look in his eyes and said "it was too late for that." I said "why, don't you want to be with them anymore?" he said that God had a greater plan for him and he had to obey God. That going home to his wife and child were never going to happen. That made me sad. I could see the love he had for them and I couldn't understand why he couldn't go home. Why would God take a man from his family and forbid him to return to them? None of this was making any sense to me. When I questioned it said someday I would understand it and all the pieces would fit together so I would understand the words he spoke. Then he said it was time for him to return to where he had come from and I wouldn't see him again but he would always be with me. I started to cry because I didn't want him to leave and I was losing the only person I had grown to love and trust. He put his arms around me reassuring me that he would always be with me and to learn more about God. With that he told me to walk straight ahead and not look back 'til I got to the corner of the street. I have no idea why I remembered the story of lot and his wife that he told me at that particular time, but I did. I kinda felt like I was living the part where God had commanded Lot to take his family and leave Sodom and Gomorrah and not look back. Once again there was this eerie silence in the town. Not a car or person was to be seen or heard for miles. I thought it strange that it was this way when he first appeared. I kissed him good-bye and he kissed me and turned me towards the direction that I was to go in; reminding me once again not to look back. Reluctantly I did. When I reached the corner I turned around and he had completely vanished. Yet no car, or person had picked him up. I could still see all four corners of the town and there wasn't anything but silence.

My young adult hood wasn’t any better. I joined the Army to become a Nurse and hopefully go to bible college to become what the Lord had called me to do. But I would hesitate in doing as He called me to do and He would haunt me with it with a wonderful woman named Kathryn Khulman. I ended up with a spinal cod injury and two fractured Hips while serving as a Nurse during the Vietnam war. Needless to say I ended up in a wheel chair. But just before all that, I was so desperate for someone to love me.

Latching onto the first guy that said, ”I Love you” was not only a mistake, but it was to be the continuation of abuse that would get worse with a second marriage. I was released from the service because I was of no use to them in my condition. I received and Honorable discharge and that I am proud of. That marriage was a bad mistake and ended in divorce. He was an adulterer and abuser. You would have thought I would have learned - NOT! The second marriage was worse than the first and my Kids and I nearly lost our lives to an completely evil and vile man.

God did bless me with four sons and a daughter, whom I adopted. God granted me my divorce a second time before the courts of the land did. Both men were abusers, the second one worse than the one before. When God had called me at the tender age of twelve almost thirteen, I thought HE was NUTS! Yes! I said NUTS! If He wasn’t nuts, then I was going nuts (crazy ) and hearing voices that were not there, but he persisted.

In His calling of me to His service, he told me I was never to marry, but a broken spirit and one desperate to be loved, I didn’t listen. After the second divorce at 28, I never married again. I got my Phd in Biblical theology, and DD (Doctor of Divinity) degrees and sat almost idle for the year that followed until my second marriage and divorce were over. Then thing began to change. I moved from place to place to escape my second husband who was a murderer and had committed every sin against God that you can name.

God was working on me, as I struggled to raise my kids on almost no money at all and there was many a time my daughter, who was the oldest, and I would go without eating to feed the boys or get them clothing and shoes that they needed. I was still a very angry and bitter person over what had happened to me and I wanted an explanation from God as to why. That answer would not come until years later when I finally was able to release all the anger, hurt and pain that I had kept inside for so long. That was when god explained it all to me. He told me he was there with me through it all and tat he loved me and protected me from being killed. He told me that what I had experienced in this life would become the tools to help another. I went back to college and got three associate degrees in Juvenile Justice, Probate law and criminal Justice. I got another degree in general Studies as well.

I have seen heaven and I have definitely seen hell. I would like very much, at this point tell you about my trips to heaven and to hell. It began with a suicide attempt when my mind had snapped and I was in my second marriage. The others took place during various operations that I required and my heart stopped dead in its tracks.

My descent into hell began when My second husband had gone to get a gun to blow my head off. Something he had tried already. I decided to kill myself and he wouldn’t have the pleasure of doing it. Little did I realize the that had I died and stayed dead, he would have succeeded anyway. I will skip all the other details that lead up to this and go on and tell you about Hell.

First, after cutting the main artery in my left arm at the elbow and letting all the blood drain out into a bucket (I had only a about a half quart of blood left ), I didn't die that night. I awoke early that morning before the kids and before John came home from his nightly drunken spree. My head was pounding and I was having a hard time breathing, but alas, I was alive. Not knowing when the kids would wake or John would come home I quickly cleaned up the mess and bandaged my arm and pretended that everything was normal.

It wasn't until three days later when I had to go to the grocery store I would collapsed from a heart attack and begin my descent into hell. I remember the ambulance ride and that was all. The next thing I saw or felt was this cold dark place. Its walls were wet and slimy and the feelings I got from this place was the sum total of all evil; past, present and future. I sensed others there, but couldn't see them. I could hear their mumblings but couldn't understand them. I was terrified beyond belief. When I looked at the floor I could see the fires of the final hell and hear Lucifer laughing. I knew it was his laughter I was hearing and it made my skin crawl. I wanted out ! I cried out to the lord to get me out of there and begged him to forgive me for my foolishness. I thought he had abandoned me and i didn't know what else to do.

Then I saw above my head a little speck of light that seemed to grow with every word I said. At my feet in the light was this old man who looked like the old roman soldiers at the foot of Jesus' cross. As I was thinking "how strange I should see this one particular soul", I heard the voice of Jesus respond to my pleas for forgiveness. His father's voice sounded like thunder and many waters all at once. I had heard His Father's voice before. His voice was firm, but gentle and loving.

He Told me he forgave me. I begged to be taken out of this horrible place and he said he would but I must promise never to try to commit suicide again. I promised. He reminded me that he had never left me and it was I who had left him by forgetting to seek him out in my hour of need. I asked him why I could see this one centurion and not the others. He said that it was to remind me that this was the penalty for sin and that people here either refused to ask God for forgiveness or admit to their sin.

I however did, and that was what he and his father wanted and all they asked of those there. I asked him why his Light was so small and thin and he explained that darkness can't be dominated by light and light be dominated by darkness and I understood. He then gave me a choice to return to my family or stay with him. I told him that I couldn't leave my children in the hands of such an evil man and good or bad I had to return to them. He told me he knew that I would make that decision and I came to in the hospital. I remembered my journey and the last thing Jesus said as I was sent back, "Remember, I am with you always." He also made me promise to tell everyone about hell and that he didn’t want any of His children there. You see, hell was made for Satan, aka the devil, and his fallen angels, not us.

My trips to heaven are condensed into one story, because I have already told you how I ended up there. I am going to tell you that my trips to heaven began with a cancer Operation , followed by another and another and a back operation. I was in the operating room and under anesthesia when I could see what was going on. Because I could see the doctors operating on me. Although I couldn't see exactly what they were doing i could hear them say "My God ! Her heart has stopped!" They set to work to revive me and as I floated above the room watching all this I felt myself being pulled upward .it felt like I was shot out of a canon and it was aimed heavenward. I ended up in this tunnel of darkness but at the other end I could see a tiny ray of light. I could feel others but I couldn't see them.

As I "floated" toward the light it got brighter. I soon found myself standing on a bridge of golden cobblestone. I looked to my left and saw the most beautiful garden with a waterfall and stream I had ever seen. Beside the stream on the bank i saw an elm tree with a lion against the tree lying down and a lamb that was lying down beside him. I thought of the bible verse that had said that the lamb and the lion shall lie down side by side. The flowers in the garden were of every kind and their color and beauty were beyond description. I heard my namebeing called and I turned my attention to the other side of the bridge and resumed my "walking". I crossed the bridge and there were two streets of gold cobblestone, yet you could see through them like glass. The roads were forked and as I stood there trying to decide which one to take, I reasoned that if God is to the left and Jesus was to the right…I would go left. Straight to the top! I chuckled to myself at my insane logic but proceeded anyway.

As I walked down the road I saw a man dressed in a long white robe with a purple sash about his waist. As I drew closer there was a white fog behind him but his radiance made the fog dull in comparison. I soon recognized that it was Jesus I was seeing. His eyes pierced my very could but his face was full of love and compassion. I fell to my knees in humility. He gently helped me to stand again and said to me, " my daughter I am pleased with you." I started to cry because i felt so unworthy of being in his presence. He said to me that I could stay or return to the world. I told him that I must go back because of my children. Again I told him I could not leave them to be raised by a man so full of evil. He told me he knew that I would say that and smiled. Then he handed me a rose, the color of red I had never seen on the face of this earth. He said keep this as a reminder that I am always with you as I promised. I never realized that I would be able to carry that rose back to earth with me, but I did.

I was then sent back to my body and awakened to the blast of a heavenly trumpet. There in the left corner of my hospital room stood Gabriel, the archangel in all his radiance. I was so startled by the noise that I rubbed my eyes thinking I was hallucinating. Nope ! I definitely wasn't hallucinating ! He was sent by God to make sure I woke up and that i remembered what I had seen. I was to tell everyone. I promised that I would and Gabriel laughed at my surprise at seeing him - then he was gone. I looked to my bed stand on the right to get a drink of water and there was the rose the Lord had given me. Again thinking that it was impossible, I asked my roommate and the doctors and nurses who had left it. No one knew. I finally realized that through the miracle of the lord the rose had made it from heaven to earth and I still have it pressed between the pages of a 232 year old family bible. This also would signal that my trip to heaven wouldn't be my first. I would take two more as the years past. In them I would learn more things and see more things and come to understand God even more than I ever did

One thing I have not mentioned in all this, yet, was the fact that even when I was a child, the Lord was with me – even when I didn’t understand who or what He was. After the abuse I went through as a child, I would cry and not understand why or what I did to deserve this. One night, when I was old enough to begin to understand more, I saw this brilliant bright light at the foot of my bed and it moved over to the side of my bed and sat on it by my waist. I looked out the bedroom door, afraid that my father would se the light and come after me again. He never did. This bright light spoke to me and said, “My child, I Love you and I am with you, no matter what you have or will go through since you were born. I will never leave you or forsake you.” I never felt so much love; but I was terrified. So terrified , in fact, I laid there frozen in terror. I know that it may sound strange to feel love and terror at the same time; but considering what I was going through – it could be easily understood.

What happened next, totally stunned me, as I look back on it today. The bright light became a man in radiant white clothing and with a soft face that showed love and kindness. He leaned over and picked me up and held me in his arms for a long time and I cried myself to sleep in his arms. From time to time he would do this, even when I would hide in my bedroom closet and cry. He was there. I didn’t know who he was or what he was; nor would I fully comprehend who he was until I became part of Him and his kingdom. I just was grateful for his love and caring, but even then the abuse that was heaped upon me would erase it as fast as I received it. I just thought it to be an angel, because I had heard of them and already had seen one.

I was twelve and still in grade school when I accepted the Lord as my Savior; although I didn’t fully understand who he was or why I was doing it. It would take years of love and patience on the Lord’s side to help me get to know Him and understand who He really was and to re-accept Him into my heart and life, with a real understanding. It was also then the pieces of my life where He was, began to make sense.

It was a strange time between the ages of twelve and thirteen. Things happened that a twelve year old didn’t understand. On one of my trips to the local Library, which was only four doors down from where I lived, I had gotten my usual number of books to bury myself in and escape the abuse. As I walked out of the library, I saw my friend from school riding her bike on the playground. I stopped dead in my footsteps as if frozen in place.

Seeing her ride a bike and the seeing her in a plane with her mother, flying over the state of Florida in a flash was bad enough and incomprehensible to me. What came next was horrifying. They were over Florida and the plane blew up in mid-air, killing all aboard.

Then I heard a voice say, tell her and tell her to tell her mother not to take the trip. For some reason, unknown to me, I did as the voice had said. That lead to an ending where they didn’t believe me and told my parents. I got the beating of my life and called a “Witch". Sadly, they didn’t listen to me and they died, just as it was shown to me. I don’t know if they call it premonition or what; but it actually happened and I never told anything I saw to anyone for a very long time. I withdrew further into my shell. It wasn’t a matter of maybe 3-4 weeks later, I once again came out of the library with my usual stack of library books, when I heard the same voice again. I had just crossed the street and was by the town hall, which was only three doors away from where I lived.

The voice told me that I was to be His servant Minister and I would minister to His people. I said that was crazy, because everyone knows that ministers are men and besides they would not accept me or any other girl as a minister. I also told the voice I was not one that should be doing it because I knew nothing about who this voice was or anything about ministering. That was when he told me that he was the Lord and that I was never to marry or have children; but to serve Him only. I told him he was crazy! Can you imagine a 12, almost 13 year old telling the Lord that he was crazy? He just laughed and said that His plan for my life would be accomplished.

He found a way to convince me that women did fit into His plane of service and Ministry, by way of Kathryn Kuhlman. From the time I left home, through my time in the service and marrying out of a desperate need to be loved (not once, but twice) Kathryn Kuhlman haunted me on the radio with one thing, no matter where I turned the dial. All I would hear from her was, “Why aren’t you doing what the Lord called you to do?” Finally in 1967 I had obtained my ordination papers after giving in and saying,” Ok Lord, do it your way, I give up! I get the message!” In spite of marrying against His wishes he still blessed me with four sons and a daughter. I adopted my daughter in 1970 when she was a teenager and a victim of as horrible abuse as I had gone through as a child. It was her father who had divorced her mother that gave the seal of approval for it. He was too sick to help her and knew that I would always take good care of her.

As the years progressed, he helped me deal with the horrors of abuse , both as a child and adult, the horrors of the Vietnam war, terminal illnesses, being handicapped because of a spinal cord injury and emotional scars, so I could become what he had called me to be years earlier. I have seen heaven and hell - literally. His Love and His patience in teaching me and loving me, in spite of myself, has gotten me to where I am today. Without him I am nothing, but with him I am everything

For everything I have had to endure in this life, it has provided me with God’s toolbox to help others in any given situation. There is no excuse to let the things that are bad that happen in your life to consume you and explain away why you do the things that you do. If you have the Lord by your side, you can survive anything! There is some who are not as strong as they should be or could be and for that – if their spirit and mind have been truly broken, then that is understandable; but to use what happened in your life as an excuse for your actions and behavior…IT IS NO EXCUSE!

God, his Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit are loving, caring and guides to our lives no matter what happens to us while we are on earth. All we have do to is trust in the Lord and let him take the helm. I have been brought through many things in my life with the Lord. I have been in the valley of the shadow of death and I have stood on the mountains of tribulations; but I wouldn’t change a thing because of what he has taught me, given me and blessed me with. Never in a million years would I have expected myself to live past 25 or be what I am today as His servant. Never did in all my wildest imaginings, think that I would be the head of a ministry that spans the globe and be one of his re-builders of the true body of Christ. Never did I imagine that the promises he made me would ever be fulfilled and it was just a childish hope that would end up in smoke, but became a reality.

But God’s great love, patience and grace has brought me this far and he will be with me and I with Him through all eternity. A joy I can not wait to behold. You will never know His great love and caring as I do unless you have developed a very close relationship with Him as I have. There is so much more I could tell you but ; as I said earlier, it would take a long time, so let this be the taste of what God’s love and grace can do for you and with you. I am far from perfect and will remain so until I am in His presence. He is he one who created me, loved me and molded me into what he had planned me to be as his child and his servant. He knows me, accepts me and know what my life was going to be like from the very beginning until the end when my journey on earth in this body is through.He loves me like no other love I have ever known, he accepts me , he disciplines me when I need it and is forgiving of me for the times I fall on my face in error and wrong decision. He picks me up and brushes me off and get me going down the narrow road again. He is with me always and I wouldn’t ever want to know what it would be like with out him - ever again!

He gave me a very special gift one year. I had asked him, a few years back, if I could see things and feel the things he does so I would have a better understanding of His view of the world and how he felt about his children and their behavior – good, bad or indifferent. I really didn’t expect him to grant it. One morning I woke and said my usual, Good Morning , Lord. I hope your day is blest with many souls coming to you in salvation.” Then I noticed something different about myself and what I was feeling. I couldn’t understand this strange feeling and what I was seeing, I asked the Lord about it. He reminded me of the prayer I had made concerning seeing things through the father’s eyes and it was granted to me on a basis as a human being because to have it as the father saw and felt it would destroy me and couldn’t be handled in the flesh. Over time I have felt what he has felt from sheer laughter and joy to utter sadness, every time a child was lost. Now I do not see the world as people see it I see t as god sees it and it is breaking his heart. This world is sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness of evil and sin. What started out as a beautiful creation of God’s has now become Satan’s garbage dump of every conceivable sin and evil. Yet, God still loves His creation and his people. He wants them to be with him for all eternity. He will not go where he is not invited, so he waits for his children to make that choice.

You want to know why I want to shout from the mountain top ? It is because I know God’s Love and grace. I have seen him face to face and His simple smile would melt the coldest and hardest of hearts. True many may never get the privileges of being in His presence via a near death experience or being taken in the spirit; but simple faith and trust alone will give that to you.

I want to shout from the mountain top, “How blind and stupid could you be not to want or see how much God loves you and wants you to share eternity with him? Have your hearts grown so cold, that you can not see that your eternal out come will be anything but heaven? Or is it because you don’t believe it or are so willful and stubborn to want to live for your selfish needs and wants and pleasures on earth and have a reckless regard for your eternal soul ? Finally, are you so convinced that once you are dead that you’re dead and cease to exist? How wrong you are! But I guess, you will only believe that when are face to face in your final judgment before the Lord, your God.

I want to shout from the mountain top that you have no idea what you are missing or how terrible your eternal fate will be if you do not make the right choice and go back to being the child of God that you were created to be. But alas, I fear that even shouting from the mountain top of the highest mountain in the world for all to hear about god’s great love and how I know it would be of little use. Man’s hearts have grown cold and they are of this and in this world. Those who are truly a part of god may be in this world; but they are not of this world. They are of God’s world. Everyone who truly is, is happy and content, irregardless of their lives or circumstances. That is something that those who are not, could never comprehend or understand. From the poorest of the poor to those who are the richest and are of God will always be happy and content - no matter what the world may dish out or what Satan tries to do to destroy their faith and belief in God.

Once man can dump man’s religion and understand that god is our father in heaven and not a religion; then maybe they can begin to understand God and know that His truth is truth and that he has a great love for them. Maybe it is then they open their hearts and rid them selves of the indoctrination that man’s religion has instilled them with and start the right journey down the road to really knowing the Lord and accepting His gift of salvation and not the lies they have been fed for centuries by man and their perceptions of the truth.

When I was called of God I made him certain promises. One was to always tell the truth about him, secondly, to make it a priority to do my best to guide the lost to salvation and finally to never asks for money to maintain the ministry that he gave me. I have lived up to that and will until the end.In return, he asked me if I could have any thing I wanted from him what would it be? With out thinking, I simple said, “I would like the strength of Samson in my spirit and the Godly wisdom of Solomon.“ He gave them to me.

You would be amazed at what he can do for you, IF you just turn your life over to Him completely and let him take the helm. I am lone of the many living proofs of what God can do – no matter what your life has been or what situation you are in. The more sinful you are when you come to him the more welcomed you will be. God doesn’t discriminate between the most evil, such as a murderer or the least of the sinners like a liar. No need to “clean up your act - he will forgive you no matter how sinful you are. Waiting to clean up your “act” before coming to him is the deadliest thing you could do…because it will never happen. That is not the way he wants you to come to him. If He can forgive Paul who was a murdered (formerly Saul) his own people, then he will forgive you. If he can take a drunken fisherman or a broken soul, like me and save them; then make them into what they were created to be and oft times His servant – Imagine what he can do for you!

Yes, I want to shout from the top of the highest mountain about my love for God; but alas, how many will really hear and how many will really listen?

I would like to leave you with my favorite verses from Proverbs and Romans:

Proverbs 11:28 – 31 “He that trusteth in his riches shall fall; but the righteous shall flourish as a branch. (29) He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart. (30) The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise. (31) Behold, the righteous shall be recompensed in the earth: much more the wicked and the sinner.

Proverbs 25:11 “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”

Romans 3:23-25 " For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; (24) Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: (25) Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God;”

Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life, through Jesus Christ, Our Lord."

(28) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

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